This might just be the best/weirdest excuse for not performing in a race ever. It happened this morning during the usual post-race dissection at the 2014 Colnago Cup in Sydney, hosted by the Waratahs Masters Cycling Club. The weather was gorgeous. The fields were massive (nearly 100 in A-grade alone). And my mate Geoff pipes up with the following to explain why he was nowhere to be seen at the pointy end of the C-grade race…

“I went to yum cha yesterday and cut my hand on a crab.”

I shit you not. Tears of laughter were shed in such copious quantities that the Eastern Creek ground staff may have feared for a flooded race track. Sorry Geoff, you know we love you…but that was as lame as it was tragic.