Candid Cav

Fresh from escaping sanction for bringing down Argos Shimano rider, Tom Veelers, in the Stage 10 sprint, Carbon Addiction spoke exclusively to Omega Pharma Quickstep’s Mark Cavendish. LANGUAGE WARNING.


CA: Some people are saying you dodged a bit of a bullet there mate. No fine, or relegation. What do you say to them?

MC: I say $&@# them. You know. Who the $&@% are they? I’m Mark Cavendish, World Champion, National Champion, Green Jersey winner. Who are they? @&$€# nobodies, that’s who.

CA: It did look like you shifted out a bit.

MC: Really? Who the $&@# are you to say that? How many stages have you won? I’ve won over 25.

CA: I know. You keep telling me.

MC: Look, things happen in racing man. You gotta think fast and ride fast. If some Dutch domestique gets in my way as Greipel or Sagan sprint clear, he’s gotta go. What’s the alternative?

CA: How about hold your line until you’re clear?

MC: I was clear.

CA: Didn’t look like it on the replay.

MC: Sure it did. I was clear. Even Robbie (McEwan) tweeted it. So it must be true.


CA: Okay, look moving on, your lead-outs have been a bit inconsistent at the Tour so far. Last night, for instance, you were pretty much left to freelance after Steegmans seemed to lose you. What happened?

MC: My team is shyte, that’s what happened. Geert was $&@%$& leading out Cannondale for crissakes, lunatic, I’ll be having words with him at dinner. How does that happen? They look like kermit the £€@&$ frog in their green snotsuits …I’m in a white British Champion’s jersey, I’m the British Champion, you know?

CA: Yes, we know. But your team did a great job on Stage 5 into Marseilles, didn’t they? You gushed about their performance afterwards.

MC: Well, yeah. They were good that day, fluked it frankly. But usually they’re a steaming pile of Jersey cow shyte, worse than at Sky. That’s why we’re getting Renshaw next year.

CA: Yes, we heard that news today. You guys seemed to have a great understanding at HTC.

MC: He’s costing us a fortune, typical $&@#% cheeky Aussie! But yeah, we had a great understanding back then you know. He understood I was the man, and he was my man. Not too ambitious.

CA: And you’re confident that hasn’t changed after 2 years apart?

MC: You serious mate? I know he had that crazy crash in Turkey and all, but how many races has he won lately? Even an Isle of Man butcher has enough fingers to count them.

CA: Good point. Thanks for your time, Mark.

MC: @&)% you.

* This article is a complete fabrication, of course. Carbon Addiction has huge respect for the Manx Missile and his peerless sprinting achievements, as well of those of Mark Renshaw, this is just a bit of fun.


2 thoughts on “Candid Cav

  1. You should tell Chav not to hold back next time Pete

    Any insight into what he was firing up about in the team bus after he crashed (all by himself) on stage 6?

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