If you’ve ridden in a bunch and/or club for more than a month or two, chances are you are already well aware of The Rules, the near-mythical and, at times, scathingly esoteric cycling bible as ordained by The Velominati – self-appointed ‘keepers of the cog’.


Well, clearly these guys have a nose for making money as well as rulebooks. For the Velominati are now looking to raise some extra cash (to purchase new bikes, perhaps?) through the release of a book quite ingeniously titled, The Rules. The only surprise is that it’s taken this long.

In it you will find all 92 rules as freely promoted on the Velominati website, including the granddaddy of them all: Rule #5. But you’ll also find an entertaining and surprisingly insightful – not to mention hilariously tangental – embellishment of each rule. At times it’s real ROTFL stuff.

I don’t want to spoil it for you, but amongst the many things that made me chuckle was the blanket substitution of ‘Merckx’ for ‘God’. Very good.

Not sure if it’s available in printed form, but I downloaded mine from the Apple bookstore. If you’re a keen cyclist you’ll love every page.

5 stars.

The Prophet’s Prayer, as espoused by The Velominati

Our hardman who art in Belgium
Eddy be thy name
thy cobbles come, thy hands are numb
from pavé
as it isn’t heaven.

Give us this day our daily V (five),
and forgive us our Rule violations,
as we drop those who attack against us,
lead us not off our line
but deliver us from Anti-V.

For thine is the big ring,
and the power, and the glory,
for Eddy and ever.


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