It’s nearly Tour time, everyone. So it’s time to print out your TDF Bingo game cards. And tick them off one at a time as Monsieur Liggett and Monsieur Sherwan do their annual thing; concocting their truly unique ways to express the time trials and tribulations of 190 battle-hardened souls as they roll, climb and scrape their way through 21 days of racing on the isle of Corsica and then mainland France.
Guaranteed winning phrases include maillot jaune, hard men, Chateaux, domestique and Hincapie (even though he’s retired, they’ll still say his name repeatedly, along with that of Jens Voigt). But for all their favourite phrases, there are sure to be plenty of random ones, as always.
What odds, for example, we’ll hear gloriously nonsensical expressions such as…
‘Riding like a croissant crossed with a baguette’
‘It’s so hot in the peloton, Camembert is melting beneath their wheels’
‘They may be riding through Champagne but at these speeds there’s no time for a toast’
‘Interestingly Phil, this mighty Chateaux was once the site of France’s first flower arranging pageant in 1734’
‘Voeckler and Contador are about to be Schlecked, who in turn looks sure to be Froomed’
‘The most important piece of luggage Froome has at this year’s Tour is his Porte’
‘Look at the size of Sagan’s gear – no wonder he’s so popular with the mademoiselles’
‘The summit is rising before them now, well not actually rising of course, the Alpe d’Huez has been 1,860 metres above sea level for some time I’m told’
‘If Rodriguez can contain his ambition under those lycra bike shorts for 3 weeks I’ll be very suprised Phil’
‘Dare I say that in such a ferocious crosswind they are riding in the upper echelons of echelons’
‘The truly surprising thing about the Giant of Provence, of course, is it’s total lack of vegetation. Or trees. Which of course are a type of vegetation’
And so on…….!
Need to create your TDF game cards? Use this link.
Carbon Addiction 
My favourites are:
Suitcase of courage;
Mask of pain;
Boom Boom, lights out;
Reverse hairpin (still haven’t figured that one out).
Suitcase of courage indeed. How could I have forgotten that beauty?!